Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize