Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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