Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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