Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
