Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
