i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize