i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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