I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
