Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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