I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
They have beer where we have blood.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
