a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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