You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
