ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
