Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
