She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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