ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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