That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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