but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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