She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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