My liver just broke up with me...
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
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