I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
