Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
