he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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