Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
