The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
