Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
