I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
