Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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