ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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