She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
