if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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