I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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