I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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