If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Randomize