so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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