Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Someone shattered a urinal.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
