"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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