My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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