You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
