You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
