Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she pinky promised me she was 18
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
