k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
