I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
