I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
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I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
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Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win