nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.