Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
These 17 People Made Horrible Decisions That Ruined Their Lives
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I booty called her while she was in labor.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.