I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
