And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
