Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
