my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
