I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
