What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
