apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
