Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Randomize
