He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
