Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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