First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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