Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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