i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Randomize
