They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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