it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just gift wrapped bread.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
