When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
