The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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