East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
