I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
