i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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